A couple of weeks ago one of my buddies asked a question which i thought was worth talking about. He asked me how to overcome fears which pop up sometimes - even if things are going good.
To be honest it's not at all a simple question to reply to as it differs from person to person. There are actually entire books that have been written on that matter only. However, one of the best ways I have used to overcome my fears generally involves lowering the gradient.
What are gradients? Gradients are similar to steps on a ladder. If you try to go to the top of the ladder on your first step, it will probably be impossible and you will fail. If you keep trying it again and again you might begin to build up a "complex" regarding failing, and soon not try anymore.
If you try to leap up five or six steps on your first attempt, it will also be scary - not necessarily impossible but frightening. Probability is that if you have no experiences leaping that high you may fail too.
The correct approach is to take the first step and then advance one-step at a time. It is the most pleasant way to climb a ladder.
Below are a few examples of how I apply that to overcome fears that pop up in meeting women and dating women:
As many guys do, I often go out to meet women in a social setting. Sometimes it is particularly frightening. So while I am approaching an attractive woman in a party, rather than telling her how beautiful she is and how much I am fascinated by her (that exposes my fear of being shot down in front of lots of people and embarrassed) I lower the gradient of approach and just say "Hi." If a girl likes you or is interested in you she will discover a way to carry on the conversation. If she doesn't then i know she is not interested in me and the simple "Hi" just shows that I am friendly - not necessarily even flirting - thus I don't feel shot down in front of many people.
If I am starting to date a woman and I feel fearful taking the next step of trying to get intimate with her, I will not ask her "Do you want to get intimate?" I take a lower gradient and ask her if she would like to relax, get cozy, and just watch TV at my place. If she doesn't want to get intimate she surely won't wish to be alone with me, getting cozy at my place. Or rather than trying to suddenly "kiss her", I will just hold her hand or give her light touches every now and then to find out how responsive she is to my touch. If she likes my touch she will start touching me back to render me with the go ahead signal.
These are a few examples. If you feel awkward and fearful simply try to think of a lower gradient which isn't as scary and allows you to make forward progress toward your main goal. If you do this you will know how to meet women and the way to connect with them very quickly.
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